Are pigs really that big of a deal around here? Like with March 1st coming up and being National Pig Day (USA midwest) and all....
While I think about March 1st and why it has been declared a National Pig Day, I will have to piggyback this idea off of another while I put my pigs in a blanket in the oven.
I wonder if my friend will like his birthday present of "101 Manly Uses for Bacon"? I put his present down next to my books of George Orwell's Animal Farm, E.B. White's Charlotte's Web and "The Three Little Pigs"to wrap up and send to him a little later.
As I sit at the kitchen table and sip my coffee, I watch the neighbour's boys toss around the pigskin for a while. Then I go into the other room and turn on the TV for a bit and see all of Jerry Springer's guests hurl pig-phrased obscenities at each other for about a minute (which is all I can stand).
Maybe I should clean up the house so it doesn't look like a pig sty even though I'd be happier than a pig in sh*t if I didn't and just sat around and ate like a pig though. Ah, so what if I become fat as a pig? Later, I'll just become a guinea pig and try a new diet next month or something.
What's that loud noise outside? Oh, it's just someone on their HOG driving by, I guess that person is living pretty high off the hog if they can afford a motorcycle like a Harley Davidson. Meh, hogwash, those motorcycles aren't that expensive I guess.
My friend 'so-and-so' is calling me and she tells me about squealing on her friend at school while she confesses that it's all really just hog slop. She says she has to go because she has to play a DVD for her kid about Winnie the Pooh and his pal Piglet. We finish talking and after the baking is done I decide to go hog wild and buy up a lot of left over chocolate from Valentine's Day. I changed into my Miss Piggy/Muppets sweater then put my hair up into pigtails and got into the car.
While I'm driving to the store, I start to think about "This little piggy went to market..." I'm sitting at the light and I look over and see another car's passenger hamming it up by telling some animated story to her driver. I drive past a billboard promoting the movie Babe with the phrase in bold letters "That'll do pig, that'll do."
After shopping, I'm waiting in line and take out my cell to watch some old Looney Tunes cartoons with Porky Pig. And of course, like a pig in a poke I give in to a few temptations of buying some magazines without really flipping through them first. As I leave the store I thought about that outfit I saw but thought if I bought it, it would make me look like I was making a silk purse out of a sow's ear because it wasn't my style.
As I'm driving home, there is a lot of traffic because of the usual road hogs and I wanted to change into another lane but the other driver wouldn't let me in and let me know it by yelling out "in a pig's eye!"
Once home, I put my spare change in my piggy bank and see my boyfriend is completely hogging the couch because he has a touch of the swine flu and is tired from bringing home the bacon. I'm wearing a sweater that is too hot so I'm sweating like a pig and take it off and after sitting down I realize that I just cannot figure out why March 1st is National Pig Day. Maybe when pigs fly it will come to me.
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